I spent more than half of my life in a legalistic religion that had no focus on grace. They taught it, somewhat, but it sure didn't feel like it was applied. For instance, if I ever talked about a sin or issue that I couldn't overcome, I was met with loads of questions from church leaders if I was reading my scriptures or praying enough. Like more works-based faith was the answer instead of really getting down to the nitty-gritty...did I truly have a transformed heart?
The answer was no.
No matter how much I would pray and beg for Yehovah to take away this sin I always continued into that sin even if made a commitment to myself I would never return to it.
I got to the point of feeling like a failure and I was just a bad person. My sin was such a burden to me but yet I found myself right back in the middle. And I got to the point that reaching out to any church leaders to help was only going to be met with condemnation.
My life was hell.
I almost didn't care to continue on. What was the point? Did I really deserve to live? After all I wasn't good enough or couldn't pray enough to get myself out of it time and time again.
Then one day it happened. I left that faith of my childhood and branched out into a evangelical church. The second Sunday of attending that message that I needed to hear rang in my ears.
Grace.
Grace is what I was missing all along. The message of grace reached deep into my heart but something more happened. Something more supernatural. More like the baptism of the Holy Spirit (the Ruach HaKodesh). Every ounce of my sin immediately was lifted off my shoulders. The mess I was in was wiped away.
I walked out of that service that day a new person. Yeshua literally changed me in an hour. The change I so desperately needed and tried my best to have finally happened...and the crazy awesome thing is that it had nothing to do with me but HIM!
I was transformed. Within one hour I literally lost any desire to be a part of the world and wanted nothing but Yeshua. I felt at home. For once I felt loved and accepted despite years of sin. I was used and abused by the world and for once I didn't care. I was no longer a victim wallowing in self-pity and utter debauchery. I was free.
After a few years of my walk with my Savior, it came upon me that I am missing something. This babe that I was needed to transition from milk to meat and that I did...reluctantly.
You see, after being in a legalistic church for such a long time and then found freedom, I was sure I would never allow "the law" be held on my shoulders again. I was very opposed to anything that would make me feel like I wasn't working hard enough in my faith again.
Then it came to me that faith without works is truly dead. I had graduated from the message of grace into what true obedience meant. It wasn't man's laws that plagues many church organizations that I was being presented with. It was the law of a very loving father...and the Hebrew name for the law actually means "instruction". Yehovah gave us specific instructions and they truly were meant to give us freedom and separate us from the world.
I was scared at first.
But after a few weeks of praying and searching the scriptures it really hit me that the law was never "done away with" as many Christians would say. Yeshua never nailed it to the cross except for one of the many offerings, the sin offering. Yeshua was the sin offering while we still have a whole bunch more of the law to consider. For instance, a good-will offering. The law of tithing to ourselves in preparation for the feasts (HIS feasts only), the widow, and orphan. Or how about the law about how to clear a home of mold or care for someone with illness. Then there are laws specifically for the woman or the farmer.
Many argue that the law was something one cannot simple do since it was both hard and numerous. But Deuteronomy explains quite the contrary in that following what we are commanded is very simple really. And let's not forget that one cannot follow all the laws because they were specific to individuals such as a man never worrying about having a period or Yeshua, a carpenter, never had to worry about laws specific to farmers.
Each law, or rather instruction, have a purpose that our Holy God deemed necessary and that never changed because Yeshua fulfilled the sin offering. There is so much more to it than that. But what Yeshua fulfilled was the sin offering necessary for those who blatantly ignored all of those other laws in that we can go directly to him in repentance and be forgive.
The saddest fact about the law and grace is that it is hard to find congregations that have a balance of both. Far too many lean on the law and cause more harm than good, and then you have groups that focus way too much on grace to the point of tolerance of any sin without understanding that we serve a Holy God who is as just as HE is gracious.
Balance is key...and the main reason I am writing this. I wish we had more of it because both grace and the law are beautiful and are good.
I can really go deep into this one as it is one of my many soap boxes...however, I shall close for now.
Basically, the transformation I received after a life of sin and being sold out to the world was the best gift that I am sure I will never fulling understand or can appreciate enough. There are no words. Grace saved me and the Torah continues to bring me closer to the One who laid down HIS life for me. If He is willing to give me life after being tortured and killed on a cross for me...then what do I really need in this life? I am HIS. He bought me at the price of HIS life. I am HIS slave and proudly serve the most beautiful man who walked this earth. Yeshua my SAVIOR & KING!
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